I'm not sure what is driving me to put this blog back up and make it active. For a few weeks, even a month or more, I shut this blog down and tucked it away in the back of my mind. I suddenly feel the craving for an outlet should I need one. My other blog is for my notes and collection of findings; I want to keep my personal life out of it. My personal journal is sometimes not enough for the false attention the Internet will provide me with its omnipresent audience. The calmness of the snow this morning and my solitude has me yearning for more—to voice myself, to let my thoughts out, to become creative, to find myself.
It's been 19 hours since I touched my bed. I am exhausted but I don't want to let myself rest. I would feel guilty. This isn't the weekend it has been for the last two months and I am on my final stretch with my last exam Monday. The desire to go home overwhelms all my other senses and all I can think about is removing myself from this dreadful place. The snow. It won't stop snowing and all is white as far as my eyes can see out the window. I want to watch it and wait for it to get worse. When it gets so bad that I can't see the wall in front of me then I will sleep. Or maybe my body will just give out. I am tired. But I am excited.
I don't know for what.
Three more days.
There are no surprises.
There are no wishful thinking and hopes.
There will be no surprises.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
admiration
I'm always looking at someone else, wishing that were me. With me, and I'm a perfectionist, nothing's ever good enough. I suppose it's a healthy strive for immaculateness, yet it's disappointing when the goal is always ahead of me and I can't seem to reach it even with both arms stretched out in front of me.
I'm having trouble figuring out what I want. What I can achieve in the immediate future far differs from my expectation for myself. I want to do so much. I want to do too much. Restrictions are not dealt with well. It's a lose-lose situation with that.
I want to turn this blog into something more, and here I am, blogging again as though this is my journal. Blogs are meant for social networking and blogger-reader interaction. I need to fix my ways.
Three hours of sleep and nothing good to eat. This next day will be better, I hope.
I need to make a to-do list, write down great ideas and brainstorm potential theses for my Walt Disney essay. Oh, and remind me to remind myself that I'm only three sleeps away from seeing the boyfriend again. It's not that bad.
I'm having trouble figuring out what I want. What I can achieve in the immediate future far differs from my expectation for myself. I want to do so much. I want to do too much. Restrictions are not dealt with well. It's a lose-lose situation with that.
I want to turn this blog into something more, and here I am, blogging again as though this is my journal. Blogs are meant for social networking and blogger-reader interaction. I need to fix my ways.
Three hours of sleep and nothing good to eat. This next day will be better, I hope.
I need to make a to-do list, write down great ideas and brainstorm potential theses for my Walt Disney essay. Oh, and remind me to remind myself that I'm only three sleeps away from seeing the boyfriend again. It's not that bad.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
a change will come
I saw a homeless guy with a sign that read “Vote Obama, I need the money.” I laughed and went into the restaurant.
In the restaurant I noted that my server had on an “Obama 08″ tie,
By the time the bill came I had decided not to tip the server. Instead I explained to him that I was applying the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. The waiter stood there in disbelief when I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone I deemed more in need of the money, the homeless dude outside.
The server was not happy!
As I left the restaurant, I gave the homeless dude the tip money and told him to thank the server inside as I’ve decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.
By now you have realized that the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was very unhappy that I gave away the money he had earned even although the recipient deserved money more.
So now you can see the actual redistribution of wealth is easier to accept in concept than in practical application!
I read the above on a post my friend Tory made on MySpace. I'm not sure where she read it from, but Google tells me I can find it here and I assume that's the original source.
I'm left speechless.
Despite all things, I'm happy Barack Obama was elected as the 44th President of the United States last night. A change will come.
Monday, November 3, 2008
dave melillo is blessed to death
Three years ago, I met a bunch of people online quasi-through The Academy Is... Hear me out: I was a fan and online networking sites such as LiveJournal were popular. Teenagers who were desperate for friends found each other and I'm still friends with many of these people I was once very close with. In the midst of all that, I began talking to Dave Melillo and his (then) band. Dave is a really cool guy who was signed to Drive-Thru Records and recently toured with Cute Is What We Aim For. He's a great singer-songwriter at the young age of 20.
While in class (right now), I read a few of his blog entries on MySpace and one of them really appealed to me.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween.
Mine was better than I imagined.
It felt like Thanksgiving.
There's no one day to be grateful.
Be grateful everyday.
While in class (right now), I read a few of his blog entries on MySpace and one of them really appealed to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic. And I blame it all on my parents.
They grew up together in the same small town in New Jersey, started dating in 8th grade and somehow made it through 20 something years and 3 kids with a lot of love left in between them. For me, that's a standard I was never able to meet. Ever since I was little I've been trying to recreate something of the sort...I've always been a one woman man, and for most of my (short) life I've been involved in monogamous relationships. I feel like committing yourself fully to one person and one person only is one of the most amazing things you can do for someone else. We were all lucky enough to be given the ability to love, but I feel like exercising that ability with caution and deliberation is completely necessary. You can only give yourself away so many times before you have nothing left give...
I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween.
Mine was better than I imagined.
It felt like Thanksgiving.
There's no one day to be grateful.
Be grateful everyday.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
marriage seminar
"Really?" he said.
Brent turned to me and gave me a funny look at the end of the exam that made me think I did something wrong. He meant the exam. We were all in disbelief at the difficulty of the questions. Hold, they weren't questions. They were statements. "Direct" quotations from the journal articles assigned as required readings of which we (apparently) had to know every detail.
Really?
Now that that's over with...
I treated myself to a venti caramel macchiato after my exam before I waited for a bus to take me home. Scratch that, forget home. I'm going to the mall. Instead of going to the one five minutes away, I decided to drive down to the one twenty minutes away—I wanted to hit up Value Village and find myself a brooch, perhaps a camera, and whatever dainty, delicate treasure I could find for a few dollars. I got what I came for. A sweet lady at the store whose name I never collected assisted me with the jewelries. She spoke sweetly about her four-month old puppy, Buddy, and detailedly described his energy and her love for butterflies and things that sparkle.
Spending more time than I had desired at VV, I sped down Wellington to White Oaks, a shopping centre that was, until today, foreign to me. With only 45 minutes left, I visited H&M, Urban Behaviour and Guess in hopes to find a green dress suitable for nights I want to go clubbing, and possibly for Halloween. With a few potentials in mind, I speed-walked to Stitches with 15 minutes to spare. They were having a massive relocation sale, and everything was 50% off the last ticketed price. Perfect.
A red tank top and a magenta tunic that came with a scarf, I think.
$15 in total for the day's shopping.
On the drive home, I passed by Hillside Chapel, christened by a soft glow from a sign on their front lawn that read "Marriage Seminar," to take place this coming weekend. I was suddenly hit with a nostalgic movie-viewing crave and struggle to figure out a film that involved marriage seminars. That film with Mandy Moore. What's that? ...Oh, License to Wed. At least six traffic lights had passed by.
I'm going to Masonville tomorrow (tonight, I guess) with Kristina.
Gift-buying and more shopping for Halloween!
Now that it's nearly 6 a.m. I'm going to bed.
Jon and I spent three hours trying to get our web cams to simultaneously connect on MSN. We failed and resorted to Skype, where the visual was clear and even the audio was at a basic decency. We should have started there.
Brent turned to me and gave me a funny look at the end of the exam that made me think I did something wrong. He meant the exam. We were all in disbelief at the difficulty of the questions. Hold, they weren't questions. They were statements. "Direct" quotations from the journal articles assigned as required readings of which we (apparently) had to know every detail.
Really?
Now that that's over with...
I treated myself to a venti caramel macchiato after my exam before I waited for a bus to take me home. Scratch that, forget home. I'm going to the mall. Instead of going to the one five minutes away, I decided to drive down to the one twenty minutes away—I wanted to hit up Value Village and find myself a brooch, perhaps a camera, and whatever dainty, delicate treasure I could find for a few dollars. I got what I came for. A sweet lady at the store whose name I never collected assisted me with the jewelries. She spoke sweetly about her four-month old puppy, Buddy, and detailedly described his energy and her love for butterflies and things that sparkle.
Spending more time than I had desired at VV, I sped down Wellington to White Oaks, a shopping centre that was, until today, foreign to me. With only 45 minutes left, I visited H&M, Urban Behaviour and Guess in hopes to find a green dress suitable for nights I want to go clubbing, and possibly for Halloween. With a few potentials in mind, I speed-walked to Stitches with 15 minutes to spare. They were having a massive relocation sale, and everything was 50% off the last ticketed price. Perfect.
A red tank top and a magenta tunic that came with a scarf, I think.
$15 in total for the day's shopping.
On the drive home, I passed by Hillside Chapel, christened by a soft glow from a sign on their front lawn that read "Marriage Seminar," to take place this coming weekend. I was suddenly hit with a nostalgic movie-viewing crave and struggle to figure out a film that involved marriage seminars. That film with Mandy Moore. What's that? ...Oh, License to Wed. At least six traffic lights had passed by.
I'm going to Masonville tomorrow (tonight, I guess) with Kristina.
Gift-buying and more shopping for Halloween!
Now that it's nearly 6 a.m. I'm going to bed.
Jon and I spent three hours trying to get our web cams to simultaneously connect on MSN. We failed and resorted to Skype, where the visual was clear and even the audio was at a basic decency. We should have started there.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
13.5 hours...
I'm counting down to my dreaded Comfort Television midterm. It's only 100 minutes. It's of multiple choice and short answers, no essays, or even long answers. Why am I in such pain? Is it because I have two classes prior to the exam? Is it because I miss the boyfriend? Is it because the boyfriend's asleep and I'm still awake?
But what have I been doing in the past half an hour?
I've been playing Tetris on Facebook and chowing down Miss Vickies' Sweet Chili & Sour Cream chips and sipping away at my Barq's Root Beer out of one of the Beatles glasses that Jon got me. Now I'm beaming at shoe blogs as though I can afford another pair of shoes.
My last pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs (from StyleSense--I love you) cost me $90 (before tax) and my mother already nagged about its price. It's not the price though, I know it. It's the number of heels I've bought in the past... few months.
In any case, a 20% midterm has my undies in knots and I'm nervous to finish these readings and take a nap before my 11:30a.m. class. That's in 8.5 hours.
I need to stop counting.
I need to relax.
Next blog!
But what have I been doing in the past half an hour?
I've been playing Tetris on Facebook and chowing down Miss Vickies' Sweet Chili & Sour Cream chips and sipping away at my Barq's Root Beer out of one of the Beatles glasses that Jon got me. Now I'm beaming at shoe blogs as though I can afford another pair of shoes.
My last pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs (from StyleSense--I love you) cost me $90 (before tax) and my mother already nagged about its price. It's not the price though, I know it. It's the number of heels I've bought in the past... few months.
In any case, a 20% midterm has my undies in knots and I'm nervous to finish these readings and take a nap before my 11:30a.m. class. That's in 8.5 hours.
I need to stop counting.
I need to relax.
Next blog!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Dear Blog
I've been meaning to write you, but my mind is all over the place.
It's off to New York, New York for me tomorrow for three days. I return on Monday, the 29th. It'll be late, so don't wait up. I'll hopefully give you a fulfilling update the very next day.
I have this restless shopping craving which I have half-satisfied. This three-day getaway should hopefully cure me of any unnecessary desires. Anticipate my visual documentaries with eight of my favourite people.
Talk soon, my love.
It's off to New York, New York for me tomorrow for three days. I return on Monday, the 29th. It'll be late, so don't wait up. I'll hopefully give you a fulfilling update the very next day.
I have this restless shopping craving which I have half-satisfied. This three-day getaway should hopefully cure me of any unnecessary desires. Anticipate my visual documentaries with eight of my favourite people.
Talk soon, my love.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Pocket Full of Changes
Some days, I forget that I, myself, own a blog. It's been trying for many years to keep up with myself on paper. With the vast selections of the World Wide Web, I certainly lose track of not only time but myself and dig deeper and deeper every time into interconnected web pages and spontaneous searches.
But here I am again.
But here I am again.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Box of Relish
I take it back. I take it all back. I am not at all impressed. I become washed over by a feeling of deep disappointment. Every word you've said makes its single echo then empties out of my mind.
Who were you to sing to me optimism and hope? Despair suits me just right and I like it when you are distanced. I fear returning to our meeting place. I fear that you will return when I do, and we will meet to our dismay. We will be damaging and destructive. Even fatal.
The desire to get up and leave. The lack of strength to push you aside and focus on something else. Someone else. There is nothing else... there is no one else who fits the frame. The one and only I've had and lost.
Who were you to sing to me optimism and hope? Despair suits me just right and I like it when you are distanced. I fear returning to our meeting place. I fear that you will return when I do, and we will meet to our dismay. We will be damaging and destructive. Even fatal.
The desire to get up and leave. The lack of strength to push you aside and focus on something else. Someone else. There is nothing else... there is no one else who fits the frame. The one and only I've had and lost.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The last day I wrote was the last day I saw him. The day I almost now wish didn't happen. If my feelings towards him lessened and I weren't as attached, I should be feeling better than this. I'm burning out. I'm losing patience. I have no time to myself to rest and I cannot rest my restless head. I'm filled with questions like I was two years ago. Almost two years ago. I don't want to do it again. I'm tired.
I want air.
I want stability.
I want reasons.
I want love.
I want out.
I want him to feel the way I feel about him.
I want him to feel the way I thought he would feel if nothing went wrong on our first few meetings. Nothing went wrong our first meetings. What is wrong? Something's wrong. Something else.
The "situation" is a fib. It's not the only reason-why.
I'm going to shut my eyes and lock my thoughts inside.
I won't be better like this.
I want air.
I want stability.
I want reasons.
I want love.
I want out.
I want him to feel the way I feel about him.
I want him to feel the way I thought he would feel if nothing went wrong on our first few meetings. Nothing went wrong our first meetings. What is wrong? Something's wrong. Something else.
The "situation" is a fib. It's not the only reason-why.
I'm going to shut my eyes and lock my thoughts inside.
I won't be better like this.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
music magic make peace
Out of all the concerts I have been to (and I have been to a lot), this is one of the most enjoyable ones. Toronto's stop for this tour was located at the Kool Haus. Fans lined up for hours. I got there at 2pm and there were at least 50 people ahead of me. Rumour has it some came at 3a.m... that's when I went to bed!
The crew came out to entertain the liner-uppers before the show. Two mics and two speakers and three guys made peace and made music. The Makepeace Brothers performed some songs while Mraz and his crew juggled some pins. Jason and his drummer, Toca, went around the line and did some freestylin' with a banjo. As they passed me, I held my camera and video-recorded in one hand while my other tried to take a Polaroid. Not only did Jason pose for my photo, he sang about me for about two seconds. "Girl with the Polaroid," that's me. This was just the beginning.
This was no typical concert. This was a party. A festival. A celebration. A strange night of what the title said the show would entail: music, magic, and Makepeace. Jason Mraz brought along a whole crew of boys who love fun, games and witty jokes. With his buddy Bushwalla, he took under his wings unsigned artist The Makepeace Brothers, three good looking young fellas who are actually brothers and bear the last name Makepeace. They also invited Justin Kredible, a magician who used to be a correspondence on the Rachel Ray Show, to host the spectacle.
If you were looking forward to waiting in silence and sweat between sets, you would be deeply disappointed. Not only did all the musicians come out during every set to collaborate and join in on the fun with some guest starring, Justin Kredible performed magic tricks and silly jokes to entertain. Saying "LOL," and "Double-U, Tee, Eff" out loud wasn't enough. He also cleverly used the crowd and audience helpers and laughed at their expense. No one seemed to have been offended.
The music was brilliant. Sound quality was great. The crowd did sing-alongs and we swayed, smiled, and cried at the end. My eyes watered during "You & I Both," as he played the song on his own in the dark, strumming his guitar in the most stunning acoustic setting I have ever witnessed. A girl against the barricade in the very front gave me a huge hug when she heard it was my first time seeing Jason in concert. While I didn't get a setlist thanks to the unfriendly staff at Kool Haus (and I was quite upset that they attempted to ruin my wonderful night - though they failed), I couldn't help but grin as I walked out the doors.
Aside from Jason, I met everyone I wanted to, have unbelievable Polaroids for memories and had the time of my life with a few of my favourite people. The night was memorable and I can't wait until Jason comes back. Let's hope that it won't be another three years until he does so.
The crew came out to entertain the liner-uppers before the show. Two mics and two speakers and three guys made peace and made music. The Makepeace Brothers performed some songs while Mraz and his crew juggled some pins. Jason and his drummer, Toca, went around the line and did some freestylin' with a banjo. As they passed me, I held my camera and video-recorded in one hand while my other tried to take a Polaroid. Not only did Jason pose for my photo, he sang about me for about two seconds. "Girl with the Polaroid," that's me. This was just the beginning.
This was no typical concert. This was a party. A festival. A celebration. A strange night of what the title said the show would entail: music, magic, and Makepeace. Jason Mraz brought along a whole crew of boys who love fun, games and witty jokes. With his buddy Bushwalla, he took under his wings unsigned artist The Makepeace Brothers, three good looking young fellas who are actually brothers and bear the last name Makepeace. They also invited Justin Kredible, a magician who used to be a correspondence on the Rachel Ray Show, to host the spectacle.
If you were looking forward to waiting in silence and sweat between sets, you would be deeply disappointed. Not only did all the musicians come out during every set to collaborate and join in on the fun with some guest starring, Justin Kredible performed magic tricks and silly jokes to entertain. Saying "LOL," and "Double-U, Tee, Eff" out loud wasn't enough. He also cleverly used the crowd and audience helpers and laughed at their expense. No one seemed to have been offended.
The music was brilliant. Sound quality was great. The crowd did sing-alongs and we swayed, smiled, and cried at the end. My eyes watered during "You & I Both," as he played the song on his own in the dark, strumming his guitar in the most stunning acoustic setting I have ever witnessed. A girl against the barricade in the very front gave me a huge hug when she heard it was my first time seeing Jason in concert. While I didn't get a setlist thanks to the unfriendly staff at Kool Haus (and I was quite upset that they attempted to ruin my wonderful night - though they failed), I couldn't help but grin as I walked out the doors.
Aside from Jason, I met everyone I wanted to, have unbelievable Polaroids for memories and had the time of my life with a few of my favourite people. The night was memorable and I can't wait until Jason comes back. Let's hope that it won't be another three years until he does so.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Fall in Love with 50 New Bands
This list is part of my 101 THINGS IN 1001 DAYS. I love music and used to try to discover new bands almost everyday through friends, MySpace, Pure Volume, the radio, what have you. Lately, I've been falling behind on updating myself with new bands and the indie music scene. I hope to get back into it and find myself falling in love with inspiring and beautiful music. There's so much out there. We just have to keep our eyes wide and remember to carry an open mind.
MY LIST OF 50 NEW BANDS I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH
01. Yael Naim (& David Donatien) - link (France)
02. Kate Nash - link (England)
03. Maria Mena - link (Norway)
04. Duffy - link (Wales)
05. Adele - link (England)
06. Sodagreen - link (Taiwan)
07. Justin Lo - link (Hong Kong)
08. Jay Chou* - link (Taiwan)
09.
10.
When I say "new," I don't necessarily mean they're new to the scene or that they're newly formed. These are bands unknown to me prior to my 101 in 1001 project and now I am infatuated with their music.
*I like Jay Chou's ballads, but I haven't gotten into his raps or R&B material. I only know a few songs at the moment, but I'll hopefully expand my Jay Chou knowledge soon! About time, eh?
MY LIST OF 50 NEW BANDS I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH
01. Yael Naim (& David Donatien) - link (France)
02. Kate Nash - link (England)
03. Maria Mena - link (Norway)
04. Duffy - link (Wales)
05. Adele - link (England)
06. Sodagreen - link (Taiwan)
07. Justin Lo - link (Hong Kong)
08. Jay Chou* - link (Taiwan)
09.
10.
When I say "new," I don't necessarily mean they're new to the scene or that they're newly formed. These are bands unknown to me prior to my 101 in 1001 project and now I am infatuated with their music.
*I like Jay Chou's ballads, but I haven't gotten into his raps or R&B material. I only know a few songs at the moment, but I'll hopefully expand my Jay Chou knowledge soon! About time, eh?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
100 Movies in 2008
This list is part of my 101 THINGS IN 1001 DAYS. I've always hoped that I would watch more movies and be caught up with the times. Here I am, making an effort and keeping myself pop-culturally updated!
MY LIST OF 100 MOVIES IN 2008
01. Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix
02. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
03. The Nanny Diaries
04. Waitress
05. 12 Angry Men
06. 13 Going On 30
07. Munich
08. Sideways
09. Breaking and Entering
10. Juno
11. The Island
12. Hitch
13. My Super Ex-Girlfriend
14. High School Musical
15. Half Nelson
16. Transformers
17. High School Musical 2
18. The Ex
19. Rush Hour 3
20. Fun with Dick and Jane
21. Infernal Affairs
22. No Reservations
23. Music and Lyrics
24. Georgia Rule
25. Ringu
26. Hing Dai (Brothers)
27. Lars and the Real Girl
28. Superhero Movie
29. Enchanted
30. 27 Dresses
31. Failure to Launch
32. Sydney White
33. The Perfect Man
34. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
35. The Sweetest Thing
36. The Break Up
37. Little Children
38. Disturbia
39. Premonition
40. Iron Man
41. The Strangers
42. Jumper
43. Infernal Affairs II
44. Batman Begins
45. Wall-E
46. The Dark Knight
47. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
48. Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon
49. Anchorman - The Legend Of Ron Burgundy
MY LIST OF 100 MOVIES IN 2008
01. Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix
02. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
03. The Nanny Diaries
04. Waitress
05. 12 Angry Men
06. 13 Going On 30
07. Munich
08. Sideways
09. Breaking and Entering
10. Juno
11. The Island
12. Hitch
13. My Super Ex-Girlfriend
14. High School Musical
15. Half Nelson
16. Transformers
17. High School Musical 2
18. The Ex
19. Rush Hour 3
20. Fun with Dick and Jane
21. Infernal Affairs
22. No Reservations
23. Music and Lyrics
24. Georgia Rule
25. Ringu
26. Hing Dai (Brothers)
27. Lars and the Real Girl
28. Superhero Movie
29. Enchanted
30. 27 Dresses
31. Failure to Launch
32. Sydney White
33. The Perfect Man
34. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
35. The Sweetest Thing
36. The Break Up
37. Little Children
38. Disturbia
39. Premonition
40. Iron Man
41. The Strangers
42. Jumper
43. Infernal Affairs II
44. Batman Begins
45. Wall-E
46. The Dark Knight
47. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
48. Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon
49. Anchorman - The Legend Of Ron Burgundy
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